#ted-talks

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szzVlQ653as

This is important. (The ted talk, not rick and morty)

S T A N D A R D

Read this like you are a cheerleader

Gooooooo STANDARDS

Number 6 is maybe one of the hardest, but very _very_ important in critical conversation (and also applies to both sides of the conversation, both the one listening and the one sharing). I think number 1, 6, and 9 are the most important, at least for 1:1 conversations with a friend/relative/etc. (number 8 I think I disagree with. Maybe it’s not interesting for everyone, but I think it can be important for the speaker (of course, there’s a time and a place, but maybe I want to spend that moment to remember that person’s name, and that’s the moment for me to do it.)

I also liked the brief point at the beginning about text based conversations. People argue for the importance of that, because it’s keeping communication and connection alive, but it’s wholly different from face to face conversation. Not practicing face to face generation of thoughts and ideas and such makes it more and more difficult to do.

1. Don't multitask 2. Don't pontificate - Everybody is an expert in something 3. Use open-ended questions 4. Go with the flow 5. If you don't know, say you don't know 6. Don't equate your experience with others 7. Try not to repeat yourself 8. Stay out of the weeds 9. Listen (most important!) 10. Be brief

I love that thanks to David I was already familiar with the study having just listened to the Ted talk on it a couple weeks before he sent me this link.

BOOM BOP

what does she do?

She’s a painter that shares her experiences/thoughts/tips/etc. online through Youtube and other social media

can you post some of her paintings

https://www.instagram.com/robinsealark/?hl=en

Artist, Youtubist (@robinsealark) • Instagram photos and videos

75.5k Followers, 269 Following, 530 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Artist, Youtubist (@robinsealark)

I can't do that

I don't want big brother watching me

https://www.ted.com/talks/matthieu_ricard_how_to_let_altruism_be_your_guide

Matthieu Ricard: How to let altruism be your guide

What is altruism? Put simply, it's the wish that other people may be happy. And, says Matthieu Ricard, a happiness researcher and a Buddhist monk, altruism is also a great lens for making decisions, both for the short and long term, in work and in life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/matthieu_ricard_on_the_habits_of_happiness

Matthieu Ricard: The habits of happiness

What is happiness, and how can we all get some? Biochemist turned Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard says we can train our minds in habits of well-being, to generate a true sense of serenity and fulfillment.

I actually _remember_ watching this! HA. It’s great though. As someone with a pretty terrible memory (and who spends a lot of time practicing simple focus on the present) I tend to anticipate _experience_ of an event over _memory_ of an event. I’m also fascinated by the ends of things, so his assertion that that is what dictates a memory of an experience is… amazing

Yeah, I find it odd but fascinating to think that it might be in our remembering selves' best interest to really make sure the ending of moments is just right -- even if the major of the moment is already fantastic.

But another thing that arises from this that he only briefly touched on is: photographs... which, in relation to vacations and such, obviously leads to _social media_... Is social media a platform servicing only our remembering selves? Is that why it can feel so fake and disillusioned? As he points out toward the end, the correlation of happiness between the two selves is .5 -- so if you see a seemingly happy person on Instagram or Facebook, you really can't say whether that person is actually happy between both selves.

@just@Jake (since you watched this and you don't have social media, I feel like you have thoughts)

“do it for the ’gram” (UGH). I think there’s a balance that hasn’t been found yet. I rarely take pictures anymore because I don’t want that to be the memory. Plus, there is too much of a focus on doing things because you want other people to be jealous (or think you’re cool or you name it). It’s a weird social phenomena that’s borking up adventuring. (Take pictures for art, not for memory.)

Even though I don't have a medium to post pictures I take, I'm trying tio take less photos and work on being in the moment more. I am completely like Lauren, I anticipate how things will go and I find that in my brain I have already decided the outcome of an interaction which hasn't even happened yet which is crazy talk.

@David Hartsough do you think “our remembering selves’ best interest to really make sure the ending of moments is just right” would put too much pressure on a moment’s experience in the moment?

I think it would be. It's almost the same idea as making sure you grab a photo to post online

definitely. if it was a complete conscious effort to service the "remembering self". that would take you out of the moment and make it feel much less genuine

this is a very succinct TL;DR

TL;DW

Dang dawg. there's a lot to unpack here haha. I think she took a lil' bit to get into to, but once she got rollin' (5 minutes in), she was on top of it. Anyways, here's a list of her conclusions: • Peoples are afraid of making choices (cuz choices are so powerful). • Choose to live a life of integrity. • Choose to leave a legacy of wisdom - not suffering. (We should look at even our worst hardships and sufferings and say, "these cannot defeat me. I will not live in woe." [wisdom vs woe]) • Take risks. Ask yourself "how many of my greatest fears have actually happened?" and "how many of the most wonderful things that have happened to me did I actually have anything to do with?" • Choose new words. Consider what life would be like if you complete removed a word. Our vocabulary is powerful in shaping our lives and our mindset. • Choose to get up every day and say, "hey oh I'll never have this exact day again or these exact moments again." Base your gratitude on simply "being".